What Really Matters in Love
Are you dating for the Instagram story, or for the life story?
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Dear Unlearners,
Lately, I've been talking to my friends and family a lot about their partners. I've seen people trying to screw over their exes. I've seen people who abandoned their current partner during hard times.
True love isn't about finding your other half, it's about finding your equal.
Yet, when we're dating, we're often like children in a candy store. We reach for the brightest, sweetest treats. We chase the sugar high of instant connection. We prioritize the dazzle of fun times and the thrill of surface-level attraction.
When we're dating, we often look for what we want right now.
But..
A truly good partner isn't just there for the good times. We often go after the life of the party. The person who made us laugh. The one who seemed perfect on the surface.
Reality isn't a romantic comedy. Life throws curveballs with the precision of a major league pitcher. Times get tough, and that's when the truth reveals itself.
While chemistry and lust might ignite the spark, it's shared values and goals that fuel the fire for the long haul. The intoxicating rush of attraction can blind us to incompatibilities, but it's the alignment of core beliefs and life aspirations that truly determines a relationship's longevity. A partner who fits seamlessly into your life vision, who shares your fundamental outlook on the world.
Great loves rarely make good drama.
They're not about grand gestures or passionate conflicts. Instead, they're built on a foundation of mutual respect, unwavering support, and quiet understanding. It's the small, consistent acts of love that create a lasting bond – the kind that doesn't make for exciting plotlines but forms the foundation of a fulfilling life together.
When the going gets rough, you start to see people's true colors. That's when you realize some hard truths:
The person who's great during happy hour might disappear when things get real. The fun-loving date might crumble under pressure. The surface-level connection might not survive the storm.
As you navigate the dating world, be wary of these common traps:
The smooth talker who can't back it up with actions. The charmer who's only there for the good times. The perfect facade that crumbles under pressure.
Instead, look for the quiet strength of character. The resilience that shines through in tough times. The unwavering support that doesn't seek the spotlight.
A truly good partner shines brightest in the darkest times. They're the ones who stand by you when life falls apart, offer support when you're at your lowest, and work through problems instead of running away.
But what exactly makes a partner "good" during these tough times? It's about the core qualities that truly matter:
Loyalty isn't just a word, it's a shield. When everyone else walks away, they stand firm. They don't jump ship when the waters get rough.
Integrity isn't a sometimes thing, it's an always thing. Their actions match their words, in public and in private. They stand by their principles, even when it's inconvenient.
Adaptability is their superpower. Life throws curveballs, and they're ready to swing. Flexibility in the face of change is worth its weight in gold.
Emotional intelligence is their secret weapon. They navigate the stormy seas of feelings like a seasoned captain. Understanding and managing emotions, theirs and yours, is their forte.
Resilience is their backbone. Life knocks them down, but they always get back up. And they're right there, helping you to your feet too.
Communication isn't just talk, it's their lifeline. They don't sweep issues under the rug, they face them head-on. Open, honest, and effective, that's their communication style.
Empathy isn't just understanding, it's their second nature. They don't just hear your words, they feel your emotions. A partner who can truly put themselves in your shoes is rare and precious.
Responsibility isn't a burden, it's their badge of honor. No blame games, no constant excuses. They own their actions and decisions, come what may.
Growth isn't just a goal, it's their way of life. They see challenges as opportunities to learn and improve. A partner with a growth mindset is always evolving, always becoming better.
Kindness isn't reserved for special occasions, it's their default setting. Not just to you, but to everyone they meet. Genuine compassion is the mark of a beautiful soul.
These are the qualities that build lasting relationships. These are the traits that weather life's storms. This is the foundation of a love that stands the test of time.
A relationship built only on good times is like a house built on sand. It might look beautiful, but it won't withstand the storm.
Seek someone who can weather the storm with you. Find a partner who's not just fun, but also strong. Look for the person who'll stand by you when life gets tough.
That's the kind of love that lasts. That's the kind of partner worth waiting for.
Good times are great, but tough times reveal true character. And character is what remains when the excitement fades.
Choose wisely. Look beyond the surface. Dig deeper. Observe carefully.
Because at the end of the day, these qualities aren't always obvious on a first date. They reveal themselves over time, through shared experiences and challenges.
Until tomorrow,
Cammi.
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"Are you dating for the Instagram story, or for the life story?"
What a reframe! Wish more people understood this -- I certainly didn't when I was younger
Thank you for this. These are important qualities but as much as it is necessary to find a partner that embodies all these characters. We should work on ourselves to make sure that these traits are found in us too