The Unexpected Hangover: What I Learned When I Stopped Drinking
The Unexpected Hangover: What I Learned When I Stopped Drinking
The Hidden Costs of Alcohol-Centric Socializing
I've frequented 7 of the world's top 10 bars countless times. The mixologists knew me by name. My social orbit revolved around introducing friends to the world's best craft cocktails or bonding over exceptional drinks with strangers.
Yet, as philosopher Alain de Botton aptly noted, "Alcohol is but a crutch for conversation." Little did I know how profoundly this sentiment would resonate with my future self.
The day I chose semi-sobriety marked a paradigm shift in my social landscape.
As my glass emptied, so did my social calendar. Here's what I discovered:
Some friendships are built solely on shared drinking experiences, with alcohol often being the only common ground. The 'fun' friend might just be the drunk friend - a role with an expiration date.
True friends respect your lifestyle choices and toast to your health, even when your glass contains sparkling water.
Alcohol can mask incompatibilities in friendships, while sober interactions reveal the true depth (or lack thereof) in relationships.
Sometimes, you need to empty your glass to fill your life with meaningful relationships.
Quality friendships, like a hand-carved ice sphere in premium whiskey, should enhance the experience and withstand the test of time, not quickly dissolve.
This whole experience made me realize I needed friends based on more than just a shared love for fancy cocktails.
So, I came up with the 3-Hour Sober Test: Only hang with people you can talk to for 3 hours sober.
Why 3 hours? Why sober? It's simple:
Three hours is long enough to get past the small talk BS.
No liquid courage means you've gotta connect for real.
If you're watching the clock after an hour, maybe it's time to rethink that friendship.
Applying this rule might shrink your social circle at first, but remember: it's about quality, not quantity.
These are the friends who will be there for you in times of need, who will push you to grow.
Life is too short for superficial friendships. Surround yourself with people who stimulate your mind, challenge your perspectives, and make time fly.
Whether you're at a world-class bar or just grabbing coffee, those are the people worth your time.
Question of the day - What's the most unexpected lesson you've learned about socializing as you've gotten older?
Cammi Pham,
Authenticity is what warms men's/women's souls. Thank you for sharing, You.
Steven Palange, aka Soveraign.
Cammi, I don't usually comment on things people send me. However, I have experience with this one. I started drinking at 11 years old (grew up on the Texas border of Louisiana, and it is part of that culture) and quit at 19. I had a lot of friends that said things like, "So you think you are better than us now." I still tried to hang with them and would order water or cokes at clubs. The pressure also came from the club culture in that a server would roll their eyes when I ordered a non-alcoholic drink and ignore me. However, when they finally brought my drink and I tipped them for it, they started to act like I was a great customer. They probably thought I was being cheap. I am 67 now and still haven't returned to drinking. Those that are still around me, accept this and don't pressure me or judge me. They just know it is my choice.
Oddly enough, in my 30s I became a drug and alcohol counselor and did this for the next 20+ years till retirement. One of the common things that relates to your statement about the drinking (or using) environment and relationships was that almost all of my clients initially stated that everyone does it. I would always say, "I don't." and they would be shocked for a second as I just challenged that reality. I would then ask them who they associate with (anyone that doesn't use or drink) and most would say no. Then I would ask what does that say to them (it was important to have them tell me vs me telling them). At some point in the relationship they would realize they only associated with others that either used or drank and thus their world view that everyone does it. So I agree with you. Changing something like you did will change your life. I have never looked back and love life's ups and downs without an altered consciousness. Thanks for putting that out there. Keep up the good work at attempting to help people think about what I call the water they are swimming in.