The Hidden Reason Why Some Asian Women Date Outside Their Race
The Hidden Reason Why Some Asian Women Date Outside Their Race
The Untold Story
"Why are some Asian women scared of dating their own race?"
During a conversation, a friend of mine shared her perspective on this sensitive topic. She said she hadn't met a single Vietnamese husband who wasn't an alcoholic, wife beater, or gambler.
While I wanted to disagree, I struggled to think of one I knew who doesn't fit that description. This included second generation as well. I couldn't deny that these issues exist, not just in the Vietnamese community, but across various cultures.
My friend's childhood was marked by her mother's suffering, which fueled her determination to break free from a cycle she refused to repeat.
While we often discuss "daddy issues," we frequently overlook women striving to escape childhood traumas. For every girl seeking a father figure, there's another desperately trying to break free from old wounds and toxic cycles. It's not always about seeking what was missing - sometimes it's about running from what hurt.
It's unfair to criticize women for seeking partners outside their community. That's textbook victim-blaming.
We must challenge normalized behaviors in communities that traumatize women and perpetuate cycles of abuse for future generations.
Alcoholism isn't okay.
Domestic violence is never acceptable.
Gambling can destroy lives.
Sexism must be eradicated.
We need to foster an environment where young boys have positive role models and learn to respect women.
Creating an environment where young people have positive role models and learn mutual respect is essential. While many Asian men possess admirable qualities, it's important to acknowledge that some harmful behaviors persist. Responding to prejudice with more prejudice solves nothing.
We need to build a better society together, one that helps both men and women heal and grow, so we can move past the trauma we're carrying.
You’re Facebook friends with a Vietnamese guy who is married who isn’t an alcoholic, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t beat his wife. You should use him as an example instead of saying there isn’t any.
Human relations with and within any race are complicated and often (as previously noted) very secretive and hidden. My father was a very angry man, and while I was growing up, he was emotionally and verbally abusive on a daily basis. However, outside our house, he was one of the nicest guys one could ever meet. His friends and the neighbors loved him. He would help anyone with almost anything. Unless someone (like my friends) were in the house when the abuse happened, no one ever knew. The children were trained from an early age to keep the secret and not embarrass the family by sharing it with anyone outside. So it is true unless you are so close that you are a witness to what happens behind closed doors you never really know what people are like or living through. Later in my work as a counselor I learned so many horrible things that people have gone through, that most of us never know about the perpetrator or the victim. So the world we think we live in, is not the real world, but a story everyone wants us to see. As Shakespeare so aptly note, "All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players." I would like to note I don't remember counseling any Asians (now that I think about it), but there were plenty of the same issues Cammi described in her thoughts in many different races. So it isn't just a race or cultural thing. I would say it is a human thing.