The decade that ruins every other decade

You were broke, confused, and crying in bathroom stalls. But somehow those were the best years of your life.

Dear unlearners

I often ask New Yorkers which decade was the best era in New York. Every single time, the answer is the decade when they were in their 20s. Most of the time, they don't even realize it.

I asked myself the same question.

My favorite time in New York was before the pandemic. People and things haven't felt the same after. Something is missing.

Then I realized my 30th birthday was a few days before quarantine kicked off. My favorite era of New York is when I was in my 20s.

This isn't just about New York. Ask anyone about their favorite decade in any city, and you'll get the same answer. The best time was always when they were young, broke, and stupid. There's a reason for that.

Your body hasn't betrayed you yet

In your 20s, your body is still on your side. You can drink until 3 AM, sleep for four hours, and somehow look decent at work. You can eat pizza for breakfast without your stomach staging a revolt.

Your back doesn't ache when you wake up. Your knees don't creak going up stairs. You don't need eight hours of perfect sleep just to feel human.

But here's what you don't realize.

This isn't normal.

This is a temporary gift. Your body is giving you a free pass that expires without warning. One day you'll wake up at 32 and wonder why everything hurts.

The energy you think is just part of being alive? That's actually part of being young. And you won't miss it until it's gone.

Everything is a first

Your first real job. Your first heartbreak. Your first apartment that isn't a dorm room. Your first time being completely responsible for yourself.

Everything feels huge because it is huge. You're building your entire life from scratch. Every decision matters. Every experience is teaching you something new about who you are.

But here's the thing about firsts.

They only happen once.

When you're 23 and get your first real job, it feels like you've made it. When you're 35 and get a new job, it's just another job.

When you're 21 and a relationship ends, it feels like the world just collapsed. When you're 40 and it ends, you know you'll survive it.

The intensity of your 20s isn't just about what's happening. It's about experiencing things for the first time. Every emotion is turned up to maximum volume because you don't have anything to compare it to.

Nobody expects you to have it together

The best part about your 20s is that everyone knows you're supposed to be a mess. Your parents still worry about you. Your boss expects you to make mistakes. Society gives you permission to figure it out as you go.

You can live off ramen and optimism. You can change careers three times. You can move across the country because you met someone at a bar who said their city was cool.

But here's what changes

Expectations.

By 30, people expect you to know what you're doing. By 35, they expect you to have a plan. The grace period for being lost expires, whether you're ready or not.

In your 20s, being confused is normal. Later, it becomes concerning.

Your friends are all disasters too

In your 20s, your friend group is a collection of beautiful disasters, and everyone has time for each other's drama. Nobody has kids to pick up or mortgages to stress about. Everyone is broke, so you get creative with fun.

You stay up until sunrise talking about everything and nothing. You share clothes and couches and dreams. You're all figuring out life together, which makes the confusion feel less scary.

But here's what nobody tells you

This ends.

Not because people stop caring, but because life gets complicated. Friends move away, get married, have kids, get serious jobs with serious responsibilities.

The casual "let's hang out tonight" becomes "let me check my calendar for next month." The community you took for granted becomes something you have to work to maintain.

You Don't Know What You Can't Do

In your 20s, you don't know enough to be scared of the right things. You don't know that most businesses fail, so you start one. You don't know that most people never make it in competitive fields, so you try anyway.

This ignorance feels like bravery. You take risks because you don't fully understand they're risks. You say yes to opportunities because you don't know you should be afraid.

But here's the reality.

Knowledge is both a gift and a curse.

The more you learn about how things actually work, the harder it becomes to take wild chances. Experience teaches you what can go wrong, and sometimes that knowledge paralyzes you.

The boldness of youth isn't really about being brave. It's about not knowing enough to be afraid.

The world feels like it's waiting for you

In your 20s, everything feels possible. Every door feels like it might open for you. Every opportunity feels like it could be the one that changes everything.

The city energy matches your energy because you both feel unlimited. You walk faster because you're rushing toward a future that feels bright and undefined.

But here's what time teaches you.

The world wasn't actually waiting for you.

It was just indifferent, which felt like possibility when you were young enough to believe you could make it care.

The magic you felt wasn't coming from the city. It was coming from your belief that you could make magic happen.

Freedom doesn't last

Your 20s are beautiful because most of your responsibilities are optional. You can quit your job and travel. You can move on a whim. You can change everything about your life because nothing is permanent yet.

No kids depending on you. No aging parents needing care. No mortgage anchoring you to one place. Your biggest tie is probably student loans, and even those feel manageable when you're optimistic about your future earning potential.

But here's what freedom costs.

It expires.

Not all at once, but slowly. First it's a serious relationship. Then maybe a pet. Then a lease you can't break. Then bigger responsibilities that make spontaneity impossible.

The freedom you take for granted becomes the freedom you miss most.

And that's exactly why we remember our 20s so fondly.

Nostalgia is a liar

But let's be honest about something. Our 20s weren't actually perfect. We just remember them that way.

Nostalgia is a skilled editor. It keeps the good parts and cuts out the bad ones. You remember the excitement but forget the anxiety. You remember the adventures but forget the loneliness. You remember feeling free but forget feeling lost.

Your 20s were probably a mess. You were broke, stressed, and had no idea what you were doing. You cried in bathroom stalls at jobs you hated. You stayed in relationships that were obviously wrong. You worried about everything constantly.

Here's what's real.

Your 20s become your reference point for everything that comes after.

Every other decade gets measured against those years when you were becoming yourself.

When you're 35 and feel stuck, you think back to when you were 25 and felt limitless. When you're 40 and your life feels routine, you remember when you were 23 and everything felt possible.

It's not that your 20s were objectively better. It's that they were the foundation. The original version of you. Everything else feels like an edited copy.

That's why nostalgia is so powerful. It's not just remembering the past, it's remembering who you used to be before life taught you who you couldn't be.

The real reason

The real reason our 20s feel like the best decade isn't just about youth or freedom or energy. It's about hope.

In your 20s, you believe your life can be anything. Every door feels open. Every path feels possible. The future is this bright, undefined thing that could go anywhere.

But here's what age does.

It defines things.

As you get older, the future becomes more defined. More limited. More realistic. This isn't necessarily bad. It's just different.

Your 30s show you what you're actually good at. Your 40s show you what you're probably never going to be. The unlimited potential of youth gets replaced by the realistic assessment of experience.

This isn't bad. It's just different.

But there's something magical about that time when you don't know what's going to happen next, and you're excited to find out what might be possible.

It was never about the city

New York was never about New York.

When New Yorkers tell me their favorite decade was when they were in their 20s, they're not really talking about the city. They're talking about themselves.

The city didn't change that much. They did.

New York in your 20s feels like the center of the universe because you feel like you could be anything. The energy you remember wasn't coming from the streets. It was coming from you.

That's why our 20s feel like our best decade. Not because they actually were the best, but because we were the most ourselves we've ever been. Young enough to dream, old enough to try, and naive enough to believe it might actually work.

And sometimes, it does.

Until tomorrow,

Cammi

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