How to Stay Human When Other People Suck

A Guide to Kindness in a Cruel World

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Dear unlearners,

A lot has happened in the last 2 weeks. I hope you had some time to miss me.

I've cried a lot because my heart was hurting. I've learned more about human nature than I ever did in that philosophy class about ethics that I failed in school.

I had to face some hard truths. About people. About life. About the ugly truth we often try to ignore.

During the time I was away, the world hasn't changed much, but I have. Each day felt like a lifetime. I cycled through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sometimes all of this happened before breakfast!

But here's the important part: just because we understand the bad stuff doesn't mean we have to become bad too. Actually, it's made me want even more to be a good person.

So, unlearners, want to talk about how to stay human in a world that often forgets how?

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Photo by Tom Caillarec on Unsplash

I muted my meeting because I couldn't stop crying. The tears kept rolling down my cheeks as I struggled trying to understand how someone could be so heartless.

It's disgusting.

Growing up, I was taught to believe in the best in people. But as I've lived life more, I've realized a harsh truth:

People suck. Most do.

When you have everything, money, power, wealth, and health, people know who you are. But when you start losing things, you learn who people really are

The ugly truth is: Most people suck.

Most people are egotistical, selfish, uncaring, ignorant, unkind, rude, disloyal, vain, and self-absorbed. They'll drop you in a second if you stop serving their needs.

It's enough to make you think most people are worse than animals. At least animals are honest in their nature. They don't pretend to care only to bail when things get tough.

People show their true colors when you're down. And those colors? Usually pretty damn ugly.

The average person sucks. They really do.

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

Why Are People So Crappy?

Science offers some explanations.

1. We're wired to be jerks

Evolution favors crappy behavior. According to evolutionary psychologists like Robert Trivers, we evolved to be selfish and tribal because it helped us survive. It's not just about being a jerk for the sake of it. It's survival of the fittest.

Richard Dawkins came up with this idea called "The Selfish Gene." Basically, he argues that our genes are ultimately "selfish." We're all just trying to survive. We did develop some redeeming qualities like cooperation and empathy. But often those old instincts make us act like total jerks in the modern world.

It's like we're stuck with a Stone Age brain in a smartphone world. So next time you catch yourself being a total jerk, cut yourself some slack. It's not all your fault. But it is your problem to fix.

Our genes may be selfish, but we don't have to be. We've got the power to tell our inner caveman to shut up and actually be decent human beings. It's not easy, but it beats the hell out of being just another asshole in a world full of them.

2. Monkey see, monkey do.

Remember that kid in school who was a complete jerk, and then you realized his parents were even bigger jerks. Albert Bandura proved that we learn by copying others. So if you're surrounded by jerks, chances are you're learning to be one too.

His famous Bobo doll experiments showed just how easily children mimic aggressive actions they see in adults. Kids who watched adults beating up an inflatable doll were much more likely to do the same when left alone with the toy. The kids didn't just copy exactly what they saw. They got pretty creative with their mean streak.

But it's not just about kids imitating violence. Bandura's social learning theory suggests that we're constantly picking up cues from others about what's acceptable, rewarded, or ignored in society.

If you grow up seeing people cut corners, lie to get ahead, or treat others poorly without consequences, you will start to think that's just how the world works.

Bandura also found that people are more likely to imitate behavior that's rewarded. They are also less likely to copy actions that are punished. In real life, unethical behavior sometimes does get rewarded, at least in the short term.

Now we know why people can be so crappy because part of it's this whole monkey-see-monkey-do thing. We're not born jerks, but we can sure learn to be if that's what we're surrounded by. But this also means we have the power to break the cycle.

3. Our brains are half-baked

Our brains aren't fully developed until we're 25. This isn't just a theory. It's a fact discovered by neuroscientist Jay Giedd. The prefrontal cortex, which controls decision-making and impulses, is the last part to mature. This explains a lot about young adult behavior. They can be extremely selfish or reckless. Their brain is still developing.

But even after 25, our brains can be unreliable. Stress, lack of sleep, or alcohol can impair our thinking. These factors can make us act impulsively.

This knowledge doesn't excuse bad behavior. It helps us understand life a bit better.

When someone acts like a jerk, their brain might be struggling. Maybe it's still developing. Maybe the person is under stress. This doesn't make their actions okay. But it might make us a bit more patient and understanding.

In the end, we're all battling our brain's limitations. Recognizing this can make us more compassionate. More human.

4. We're biased as hell

There's this thing called the fundamental attribution error. It is a fancy way of saying we think everyone else is a jerk because they're bad people. But when we screw up, it's because of circumstances. Very convenient.

This bias skews our view of the world. In our minds, we're complex individuals with reasons for our actions. But other people are simple characters. They are defined by their mistakes. When we're rude, we have a good reason. When others are rude, they're just bad people.

This isn't just unfair. It's dangerous. Overcoming this bias requires constant self-awareness. We can strive to understand others as we wish to be understood.

If we actually put in the work, it could make a real difference. It can help us build a more empathetic, less judgmental world.

5.Life's a pressure cooker

When resources become scarce, human behavior often takes a turn for the worse. Researchers Sendhil Mullainathan and Eldar Shafir studied this phenomenon. They called it the scarcity mindset.

Basically, when we feel like we don't have enough of something – money, time, food, whatever – our brains go into survival mode. We focus on the short-term gains, make poorer decisions, and generally become more selfish.

It's like being hangry, but for life in general.

The problem is modern life often feels like a constant state of scarcity. We're always running out of time, money, or patience. And in that state, we're more likely to act like jerks without even realizing it.

Photo by brut carniollus on Unsplash

So What Now?

We're evolutionarily wired to be selfish.

We learn bad behavior from others.

Our brains are works in progress.

We're ridiculously biased.

And life keeps us in a constant state of stress.

It's a miracle we're not worse, honestly.

Understanding why we suck doesn't mean we have to keep sucking.

Now that we know why we're prone to being jerks, we don't need to stay that way. It's not easy, but hey, neither is putting up with all the other jerks in the world.

So next time you feel like humanity is a lost cause, remember, you don't have to join them. What's the meaning of living if our world is turning into a dump without humanity and kindness? Why bother trying to survive if we ignore ethics?

When you realize and make peace with the fact that most people suck, you'll actually start living. It's liberating. You start to learn who you don't want to become. You can start living without constant disappointment.

Maybe, you'll start to appreciate those rare few who prove to be exceptions to this rule. They're the ones who stick around when everyone else bails, reminding you that not all of humanity is a lost cause. These people are like finding a perfectly ripe avocado at the grocery store: rare, precious, and worth celebrating.

But don't count on it. Expect the worst, and you'll rarely be disappointed. It's not being pessimistic; it's being realistic.

Remember, staying human means choosing to be better despite knowing how crappy people can be. It's about maintaining your integrity even when it feels like the world has lost its own.

We often think we need many people in our lives. But the reality? Quality over quantity. It's better to have one real friend than a hundred fair-weather ones. What we need are a few good ones. The ones who'll stand by us when things are falling apart. The ones who'll tell us the truth, even when it hurts. The ones who'll remind us of our humanity when the world seems intent on stripping it away.

To those rare, genuine souls out there, to those few who choose to be better, who choose to stay human in a world gone mad, remember this:

The world might be betraying you, but don’t betray yourself. Don’t betray the world.

Be that person for someone else. Be the exception to the rule. Because in a world full of people who suck, being the one who doesn't can make all the difference.

And personally? I'd rather keep trying to be better. Because while most people might suck, we don't have to be most people. We can choose to stay human in a world that often forgets how. It's not easy, but nothing worth doing ever is.

Maybe by choosing to be better, by refusing to let the crappiness of others define us, we can start to change the narrative. One non-sucky person at a time. Maybe, just maybe, if enough of us make that promise and keep it, we can start to turn the tide. One human connection at a time.

It's not much. But in a world where people suck, it's everything.

I wiped off my tears.

I need to stop being sucky.

To all the people the world has betrayed:

You are strong. Accepting is half of the battle. Most people suck. But a very small population still has a heart. You are not all alone. Things will get better.

Remember, in a world that often seems devoid of kindness, your choice to remain human, to care, to be that rare exception – it matters. It matters more than you know. Keep your heart. Keep your humanity. And know that you're not fighting this battle alone.

Until tomorrow,

Cammi

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