You're Not Living in a Sitcom - Why Your Friend Group Is Toxic

(Your life isn't FRIENDS, and thank f*cking god for that)

Dear Unlearners,

FRIENDS taught me English. When I first moved to Canada, I could barely speak a word of it. Those six characters became my language teachers. Every night, my mother and I would sit together, pop in one of our DVDs. They're still at her house. I'd dream about having my own Central Perk crew. A Rachel. A Chandler. A whole gang of people who'd drop everything to sit on an orange couch and listen to my problems.

Reality turned out quite different.

The show still holds a special place in my heart. It helped me understand American culture, taught me slang I'd never learn in ESL classes, and became my first guide to this strange new world. But it also planted unrealistic ideas about friendship that took years to unlearn.

The Pop Culture Poison

Our generation grew up idolizing TV friend groups that shaped our expectations.

Take FRIENDS: A group that actively sabotages each other's relationships. Six codependent adults living in apartments they can't afford just to stay close. Making fun of each other's careers and life choices. Sleeping with each other's exes and calling it "love." Zero friends outside their little circle.

Sex & The City sold us another fantasy. Four women whose entire personalities revolve around brunch, men, and shopping. Carrie, the so-called protagonist, constantly making everything about herself while her friends enable her behavior. Charlotte judging everyone's life choices. Samantha treating people like accessories. Miranda's cynicism masked as intelligence. All while pretending this dynamic was aspirational female friendship.

How I Met Your Mother didn’t do us any favors either. A group enabling each other's worst behaviors, stuck in the same bar every night like it's normal. Making huge life decisions based on group approval. Still acting like college kids well into their 30s. Treating relationships outside the group as disposable threats.

Then there's Gossip Girl, teaching us that real friendship means trauma bonding and using secrets as social currency. Zero boundaries, zero trust, zero growth. Just a bunch of people hanging onto high school dynamics well past their expiration date.

The Reality Check You Need

These shows taught us friendship means sacrificing everything for the group. Your whole identity gets wrapped up in being "the funny one" or "the mom friend." Growth becomes a group activity. Outside relationships? Those are threats to the precious dynamic you've built.

But here's the reality: Your friend group isn't a sitcom cast. You're real people stuck playing characters you outgrew years ago. And the sitcom fantasy warped our understanding of friendship in even deeper ways.

The Real Geography of Friendship

TV sold us the biggest lie: that our closest friends would always live ten minutes away. That we'd meet at the same coffee shop every day, drop by each other's apartments unannounced, and never miss a birthday or breakup.

Reality? My closest friends live in different time zones. We catch up monthly instead of daily. Our group chat spans three continents. But here's what TV didn't show: distance can actually strengthen friendships. When you do connect, it's intentional. You learn to have deeper conversations instead of surface-level daily chatter. You appreciate the time you have together instead of taking it for granted.

Life's Unscripted Timeline

Life doesn't move at sitcom pace. Your friends won't all get married within seasons of each other or have kids in convenient intervals. Some friends will be changing diapers while others are changing careers. Some will buy houses while others still have roommates. Someone will always be the first to hit a milestone, and someone will always be last.

The beauty of real friendship? It survives these mismatches. You learn to celebrate different kinds of success. You understand that your friend with three kids can't make your impromptu happy hours, and your single friend might skip your toddler's birthday party. And that's okay.

The Warning Signs Nobody Talks About

Your group chat explodes every time there's conflict. That's not friendship. That's theater where everyone plays their assigned role.

Those mandatory weekly brunches? The required group vacations? The constant check-ins? That's not closeness. That's control wrapped in mimosas and inside jokes.

You turn down opportunities because they'd take you away from the group. That promotion in another city? Watch how fast your "supportive" friends make you feel guilty for even considering it.

Your dating life needs group approval. Think about how many potential relationships died because "the group" didn't like them. Or worse, how many bad relationships you stayed in because the group thought they were "fun."

The Investment Truth

Not every friendship needs to be a Monica-Rachel level of involvement. Some friends are for monthly dinners. Others for annual catchups. Some are perfect travel companions but terrible at emotional support. Others are great for career advice but wouldn’t make your wedding party.

Smart people understand this. They don’t force every friendship into the "best friends forever" mold. They allow relationships to find their natural level of investment.

The Multiple Circles Reality

Unlike TV characters who seem to have no friends outside their core group, healthy adults maintain multiple social circles. Your work friends don't need to love your college friends. Your gym buddies don't need to gel with your book club. Having separate social circles isn't disloyalty, it's emotional intelligence.

The Growth Reality

Here's something nobody tells you: If you're moving in the right direction in life, you will constantly outgrow your friends. That's not tragic. That's necessary.

Your friendship needs evolve with each decade. In your 20s, you might need friends who'll help you move apartments at midnight. In your 30s, you need friends who understand why you're canceling plans to work late. By your 40s, you value the friends who can sit in comfortable silence with you.

The quality of friendship matters more than the quantity of friends. One friend who respects your growth is worth more than ten who want you to stay the same.

Breaking Free

Want to know real freedom? Start setting actual boundaries:

• Skip the group events that drain you.

• Ignore the guilt trips.

• Let the group chat notifications stay unread.

• Make decisions without running them through committee.

• Build relationships outside the group.

• Pursue interests without documenting them for group approval.

• Date whoever you want without getting group sign off.

The Truth About Real Friendship

Real friendship isn't constant group hangs and forced intimacy. It isn't drama addiction or character typecasting.

Real friendship supports growth even when it means growing apart.

It respects boundaries. It allows for change without punishment. It celebrates evolution instead of fighting it.

Your present self deserves present friends. People who know who you are NOW: Your current values. Your current goals. Your current dreams. Not the version of you from five years ago they're desperately trying to preserve.

You can appreciate what those old friends meant to Past You while accepting they don't fit Present You. That's not betrayal. That's growth.

Remember: Your life isn't a sitcom. There's no laugh track, no reset button, and no script. Stop trying to force your relationships into a 90s TV format.

You're allowed to outgrow your friend group.

You're allowed to want different things.

You're allowed to write your own story without an ensemble cast.

The most meaningful friendships I have now would make terrible television. No one wants to watch people respect each other's boundaries, celebrate growth, or sit in comfortable silence. There are no dramatic confrontations, no betrayals, no screaming matches over brunch.

And that's exactly how it should be.

Great friendships rarely make good drama.

Share in the comments: What toxic sitcom behavior has your friend group normalized?

Until tomorrow,

Cammi

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